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A retelling of my life in DC and all the stupid ass sh!t I get myself into...



Taco Salad


Dear Taco Salad, we need to have a little chat. I had one of you for dinner tonight and I have to ask, how do you call yourself a salad in good consciousness? Let's do a little deconstruction, shall we? There's a healthy dollop of guacamole plopped there by Doris the lunch lady using her trusty ice cream scoop balanced by an equal portion of sour cream. Next we add the cheese. We've added so much shredded cheese here that I think Domino's just had to jack up the prices on their pizza's due to limited supply. So far, we are up to around 10lbs of toppings. Oh, I know... how about some taco meat pan fried in its own fat and grizzle? Add a hint of seasoning to the meat and toss it on top. The only redeeming topping is the pico with freshly diced onions and tomato's and cilantro. And while we are on the topic of healthy, toss a few slices of iceberg lettuce on the bottom to call it a salad.

Finished? I think not! Once we combine all these ingredients, do we serve it in a bowl? Pah. Mere mortals eat out of bowls, what you need is a giant deep fried tortilla that's retaining grease like Jenny Craig retains water. Simply touching the tortilla in an attempt to start on this entree brings me back to my college days of living with an ashy black guy (Big Tone) who would put on baby oil all the time. Why does everything have to be so damned greasy?!?!

Taco Salad, you are as much a salad as a drag queen is a woman. Sure, you look like a salad and there's some lettuce in there somewhere, but anyone who buys you a few drinks will discover you have a wiener when they take you home! Fail! Let's just cut thru the BS and call you what you really are... a 7 layer dip that is designed to be eaten by one person. Never mind that it'll feed a family of 12 in Guadalajara, in the US that is one bloody serving!

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posted by Cptn S.A. Ho @ 11:01 PM,

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